I’ve known this for a few years, but I tested positive for the rare female INTJ. Are you one too? Well, join the non-existent cult! Anyways, there seems to be a lot of junk on the Internet generalizing and as usual lumping us females with male INTJs. Yeah, we share some similarities, but I do believe the female INTJ is a unique breed all her own.

Anyway, the point is, this realization opens up a whole can of worms (or topics) for me to bombard you with in future posts. So, without delay, let’s get on with the first one:

While this post is written specifically for the female INTJ by a female INTJ, some males may identify. It’s not meant to deride or ridicule in anyway. Despite sharing a label, everybody is unique and therefore if this seems far too much of  stretch for my fellow INTJs, take note that this is simply the experience of one INTJ. It may not be true for all.

And on that note, I present the top five peeves of the INTJ female:

  1. Incorrect grammar. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine (and yours too if you’re like me). In fact, I’ve gone so far as to abandon an online article which, however fascinating , used double negatives: “was sang” instead of “sung.” Abusing commas and exclamation points is one thing, not getting your tenses right is just asking for an INTJ’s dismissal.

Incorrect pronunciation also tends to tick me off, especially if the person continues to mispronounce after you’ve kindly pointed out their mistake. Inadvertently, this leads to an instant lack of respect. I tend not to pursue relationships with such people.

However, this excludes people whose second language is English. Mispronunciations and general poor English is expected, therefore pardoned. I confess, some accents can be a major turn on as well.

  1. Coercion – another big irritation. For all those types out there who have somehow gotten the idea that we INTJ’s are poor sods to be pitied because we’d rather spend time alone than pursue pointless social activities (like lounging around in a school park on a weekday till 2 am just to ‘hang out’), kindly refrain from forcing us to join your mindless games!

I’ve had to exercise my patience  on this quite a lot with a friend I’ve recently made. He’s the first Indian boy I’ve met who expressed an interest in anime (although he has yet to watch Naruto) and so naturally we struck off on a good note. Now two and a half months later, his constant nagging about my lack of social life is fraying my nerves.

Since I’m attending one of the most tradition infused universities in the nation, there’s no end to ‘must-do’ events on campus and I’m not miffed to say that I’ve attended not a single one of them. I simply have no interest…and my well-intentioned friend simply cannot get this through his thick head. The more he forces me, the more I’m going to avoid the activity – and the more I’m going to avoid him!

So in short, do not force an INTJ to do something they don’t want to do – unless you’re alright with being ignored for the rest of your life by them.

  1. Small talk – this has to be the most trying of the social niceties! I’ve found I have absolutely no interest nor patience when it comes to the inane details of someone’s life. However, that doesn’t apply to the handful of people I really care about and love. My few close friends (probably only five to be exact) and my immediate family are exempt from this. Colleagues, acquaintances, and everybody else are under scrutiny.

What I enjoy discussing are ideas or possibilities on a countless number of subjects. I would rather theorize the practicality of teleportation or argue politics than discuss the weather or the scores of a silly game. It’s not surprising that I’ve found very few people to relate to. In fact, the closest bunch are the four scientists I worked with for a year doing research in astronomy. Every single conversation with them was a treasure trove of information – I was in heaven!

The other I suppose are my university professors whom I can grill about their subject or discuss ideas with freely. I haven’t met a single student yet whom I feel close kinship with. It doesn’t help that about 90% of my graduate fellows are international students – most only concerned with getting good grades and having ‘fun’.  Some days, it’s literally a trial to socialize and the group projects are sometimes a nightmare!

  1. Unplanned social events. As you’ve probably surmised, the social world really is a weak spot for INTJs. I absolutely dislike merely ‘going with the flow’. I need a date, time, and place to engage in social activities, preferably a few days in advance. This doesn’t involve college/work activities of course. If needed, I can meet for an unplanned project meeting or study session – however reluctantly.

And even with advanced notice, it’s sometimes a chore. So I suppose it really depends on the activity and the people involved. I’d be up to go hiking, backpacking, on long walks, or to the coffee shop with my close friends anytime – any day. But this courtesy doesn’t extend to the larger sphere. If I had to choose between spending time alone or attending a Thanksgiving party with people I barely know (or don’t really care to hang out with), I’m going to choose the former. It’s a no brainer (and yes, that is a true story).

  1. Pointless social activities. The list is infinite and I think an INTJ may be unique in their list, but for me this includes: pointless chatter (see number three), simply ‘hanging out’ without a purpose, and wasting time idling about. Suffice to say, people who relish these sorts of pointless pursuits or enjoy being around people for the sake of being around people will never make it to my inner circle.

I need some kind of action mixed in with the social interaction: hiking, working on a project or something, discussing books while having coffee, etc; I’m the kind of person who makes a grocery list and goes shopping with a purpose. I can kill time in book stores, tech stores, or sometimes clothing stores, but only when interested.

The list could go on, but I think these are the top five peeves of the INTJ female which anybody wanting to win an INTJ female over should keep in mind. Yes, this may make us seem like OCD, boring, anti-social sticklers, but you’d be surprised how much zest for life we truly possess. A dull, mangy looking book on the outside can hide a treasure trove of information or a wondrous world…if only one bothers to peek inside!