If you know an INTJ and you’ve made it into their inner circle, consider yourself very special. I’m not trying to blag, but being an INTJ myself I can attest that I’m very cautious about making friends and even more picky about which friendships I want to retain.
I can count the number of people I consider friends on one hand, but these friendships are tight. I’ve known these people for over eight years! Why is it so difficult for an INTJ to make friends? Why are we so ‘anti-social’? Well, we’re not asocial. We’re just very difficult to please.
There are many things that I find fascinating, but these topics aren’t in most people’s repertoire of conversation. Idle talk utterly bores me. I hate talking about the weather, I don’t care about your marital problems, and I certainly don’t give a damn about your Christmas plans. Sadly, this is the type of talk most people find engaging.
So there’s a disconnect and loss of interest. I’d rather gouge my eyes out then engage in small talk. It’s why most INTJs prefer their own company -which makes us rather aloof and therefore to others, we appear asocial.
But get us talking about a topic of interest or engage in a battle of wits and you’ll never find a more enthusiastic and persuasive conversationalist! I love discussing books – even if it’s a book I’ve never read (or will most likely not read).
Talk to me about history, politics, science, technology, engineering and I’ll listen to you with rapt attention. Offer me morsels of information and I’ll become your fast friend. Argue with me – prove me wrong and I’ll go to great lengths to maintain our friendship.
See a pattern here? INTJs like to be around people whom they can learn from. They like to talk about non-conventional things- intellectual topics. If they really care about you, they let you know by listening to you and offering their opinion.
A common thread among my inner circle of friends is that they’re all engaged in pursuing their own goals, but also have hobbies. They love to learn even if they’re not rocket scientists. They like to travel and read. They like tasting different cuisine and learning about different cultures. In short, their interests coincide with mine so we never run out of things to talk about.
Only one of my friends is an engineer. The other three are in education, literature, and food science. But all these girls are strong-willed, independent, and unique personalities. I come away refreshed and happy after conversing with them instead of feeling drained as usual. That’s why I treasure their friendship and why even after all these years I’ve made the effort to stay connected.
So it’s not a misnomer to say INTJs are asocial because we are most of the time just not in the mood to engage. But when we do connect, and that really is a rare but special sight, we stay connected for life. And that’s why you should feel special if an INTJ cares about you because now you know, it’s genuine and you truly are treasured!